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~/\Mythology Survival/\~ (My Second Roleplay)
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-09-30, 7:13 PM | Message # 1 |
 A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| Most people dont believe in mythology....most people think its just a joke, a simple thought that somebody just made up, just so they can have a couple laughs!...Hehe, It does give me a laugh, if only they knew...They are real, Vampires, Werewolves, Dragons, all of it, and who am i to state such an opinion? I am one; one, that i shall not say...I only have one thing to say, If you become one...then lets just say life sucks for you. All of the problems there are...We're almost as ignorant as those humans...we have wars, sure, we have enemies, friends, truces, but most just try to survive...from ourselves.
~ Human Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
~Vampire Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
Wings?(optional):
How long have you been a vampire?:
~Werewolf Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Wolf Description:
How long have you been a Werewolf?:
~Other Character Sheet~ (please send a message about what your "other" is for approval)
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Reviews
~Equinox~
Story:3/5
I understand that it's a survival of the fittest story, but it needed more detail honestly. Maybe the goal is to gather and unite all brethren and enemies together, to take back the modern world from the humans? Something? It needs some kind of goal for the story, and overall.... more story!
Grammar:3/5
Honestly, were all those periods necessary? It needed some spacing and less periods, and if you plan on someone talking, for it to have quotations marks around it, but overall, you did pretty well. You capitalized most words, you gave a bit of a back story on the guy at least, which made it more interesting to read. But honestly, those periods everywhere costed you a whole point.
Character detail:3.2/5
I like the way you mysteriously developed the speaker in the story, but also your own character description is pretty excellent itself, along with the CS. 3.2 seems like a close vote.
Plot Development:2/5
Not too much of a plot, but it had SOME development, thus it deserves SOME points.
Overall rating:3.5/5
Honestly, this is my complete and honest input here. It's pretty good for your first one in a long time, but it needs a good bit of work. Don't worry, all great writers will always need to improve somehow.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 8:46 PM | Message # 256 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I gritted my teeth hard. "SCREW. YOU!" I said running in what i think was where brisk was firing more and more.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 8:48 PM | Message # 257 |
 ※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| I leapt silently into the air. A black orb was forming in my mouth.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 8:56 PM | Message # 258 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I then ran into a wall and swore, falling to the ground, my head was badly sore from the fall, and so was my knee, deeply scathed.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 8:58 PM | Message # 259 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| I shot the orb at him, although I didnt expect it to hit him.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 9:00 PM | Message # 260 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (What does the orb do?)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 9:02 PM | Message # 261 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (Just a ball of darkness that cant do some damage)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Zyphon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 9:06 PM | Message # 262 |
 The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| ~~Jack~~
Marcus had been killed. One of the best knights... Just gone liek that. I thought nothing more could frighten me more.
Then I became aware of someone breathing on my neck. I turned around and found myself face to face with the vampire that had killed Marcus.
"Monster!" I screamed."
"Actually, I'm only half monster, I'm still half human."
"It doesn't matter! You killed him! What did he do to you?"
The vampire rose one eyebrow. "You mean besides trying to kill me for no reason? I'd never even met him before.
"Actually you have." Why did I say that!?
The vamprie was shocked. "What?"
"Noth-" I was cut off when the vampire grabbed my neck and slammed me against a tree, his eyes full of rage.
"Don't you dare tell me you meant nothing by that! TELL ME WHAT YOU MEANT!"
"........................No." Have I lost my mind!? I thought to myself, Do I have a death wish? Why Am I saying this? I really had no control over what I was saying.
"TELL ME NOW OR I WILL MAKE SURE THAT THE REST OF YOU'RE LIFE ON EARTH IS FILLED WITH PAIN AND MISERY! AND WHEN THE TIME COMES, YOU WILL DIE IN A WAY WORSE THAN ANYTHING YOU'RE TINY PEA BRAIN CAN IMAGINE!"Added (2011-10-14, 9:06 PM)
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(Obvious observation: I'd say Dark is a little pissed off...)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 9:08 PM | Message # 263 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (WHAT!? How?! He doesnt seemed pissed off O_o XD But very interesting)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Zyphon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 9:24 PM | Message # 264 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| ~~Dark~~
The me yelling and threating his life was mainly just to frighten him. I'm sure he really didn't have mcuh important information, but still...
He finally cracked. "He was the on who killed you're mother. I helped him."
"...Now I'm angry." I smacked his head against the tree and it cracked like an egg.
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 9:34 PM | Message # 265 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (Intense XD)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-15, 8:28 AM | Message # 266 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (BRISK HAS A TWIN! :OOOO)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Zyphon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-15, 9:25 AM | Message # 267 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| (lol)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-15, 9:27 AM | Message # 268 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (Y___Y It just.... Make me so... Happy....)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Zyphon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-15, 4:16 PM | Message # 269 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| (...Right.)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-15, 4:36 PM | Message # 270 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (XD Jk...)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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