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~/\Mythology Survival/\~ (My Second Roleplay)
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-09-30, 7:13 PM | Message # 1 |
 A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| Most people dont believe in mythology....most people think its just a joke, a simple thought that somebody just made up, just so they can have a couple laughs!...Hehe, It does give me a laugh, if only they knew...They are real, Vampires, Werewolves, Dragons, all of it, and who am i to state such an opinion? I am one; one, that i shall not say...I only have one thing to say, If you become one...then lets just say life sucks for you. All of the problems there are...We're almost as ignorant as those humans...we have wars, sure, we have enemies, friends, truces, but most just try to survive...from ourselves.
~ Human Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
~Vampire Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
Wings?(optional):
How long have you been a vampire?:
~Werewolf Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Wolf Description:
How long have you been a Werewolf?:
~Other Character Sheet~ (please send a message about what your "other" is for approval)
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Reviews
~Equinox~
Story:3/5
I understand that it's a survival of the fittest story, but it needed more detail honestly. Maybe the goal is to gather and unite all brethren and enemies together, to take back the modern world from the humans? Something? It needs some kind of goal for the story, and overall.... more story!
Grammar:3/5
Honestly, were all those periods necessary? It needed some spacing and less periods, and if you plan on someone talking, for it to have quotations marks around it, but overall, you did pretty well. You capitalized most words, you gave a bit of a back story on the guy at least, which made it more interesting to read. But honestly, those periods everywhere costed you a whole point.
Character detail:3.2/5
I like the way you mysteriously developed the speaker in the story, but also your own character description is pretty excellent itself, along with the CS. 3.2 seems like a close vote.
Plot Development:2/5
Not too much of a plot, but it had SOME development, thus it deserves SOME points.
Overall rating:3.5/5
Honestly, this is my complete and honest input here. It's pretty good for your first one in a long time, but it needs a good bit of work. Don't worry, all great writers will always need to improve somehow.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:03 AM | Message # 16 |
 ※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (....)
I lay carelessly under a tree, on a cliff, looking over a vast town.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Supernerd | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:06 AM | Message # 17 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (youve always been the best at starting off roleplays huh demon? XD)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:07 AM | Message # 18 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (:3)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Equinox | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:14 AM | Message # 19 |
 Social warrior of the administration
Group: Administrators
Messages: 7183
Status: Offline
| (Would a werepyre be allowed super?)
(P.S. Welcome back dude, it's nice to have you around again!)
~Glacial Malphite: The Shard of the Monolith~
"I hear rumors that the Shard of the Monolith is an unstoppable force. They aren't rumors."-Nausus, on the topic of Malphite's arrival.
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:18 AM | Message # 20 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (Just a reminder: If you see me constantly getting on and offline, its because the site is screwing with me. It keeps logging me off.)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Zyphon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:19 AM | Message # 21 |
 The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| (Just now I've remembered how much I miss this site...)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Equinox | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:19 AM | Message # 22 |
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Social warrior of the administration
Group: Administrators
Messages: 7183
Status: Offline
| (Use a different browser, or log yourself out once, then log yourself back in.)
(That way, we can see if someone else might be using your account.)
~Glacial Malphite: The Shard of the Monolith~
"I hear rumors that the Shard of the Monolith is an unstoppable force. They aren't rumors."-Nausus, on the topic of Malphite's arrival.
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:21 AM | Message # 23 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (K. I'll be off for afew minutes then. Tell me if Im still on. Im logging off now. I'll be a guest for abit)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:23 AM | Message # 24 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (Back. Nobodies using my account... Odd)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Zyphon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:26 AM | Message # 25 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| ~~Dark~~
As I walked through the city I realized something.
"What's even the point of this?" By 'this' I meant what I had been doing for the past eleven or so years. " I've been doing the same thing over and over... If I'm ever going to get any closer in completing my goals I'm to have to reach for the end, not just sit here and hope it comes to me..." And with that, I began to head away form the city. With no idea where I was going, but there was no danger. There was nothing was more powerful than a vampire... Was there?
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Supernerd | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:28 AM | Message # 26 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (Yes Equi, Werepyres are allowed, and thanks.) ((i used to roleplay as one XD)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:30 AM | Message # 27 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (May I change myself to a werepyre?
It fits Brisk well...
Blood thirsty wolf beast...
Perfect :D)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Supernerd | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 11:31 AM | Message # 28 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I continued to sprint silently in the forest, ducking under branches and jumping over logs swiftly, the breeze feeling nice against my skin, the stars were bright..everything was good...i smelled the air, nothing..not yet. but soon.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 12:41 PM | Message # 29 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (Hehe, encounter between Brisk and you, Im guessing >:D
Im suppose thats a yes :3
I dont think I've said it yet... But welcome back!)
I perked up, smelling a farmiliar scent. It smelled like blood. And vampires. I growled, and stood up.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Equinox | Date: Saturday, 2011-10-01, 12:53 PM | Message # 30 |
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Social warrior of the administration
Group: Administrators
Messages: 7183
Status: Offline
| (You can't get changed into a werepyre though, because it's a birth transformation.)
-Other-
Gender: Male
Name: Aaron Janspar, or "Nightwing"
Age: 3059 Years. He is as old as the tales of the bible.
Description: He's a werepyre, so he's always like that.
Werepyre Description: In attachment.
How long have you been a Werepyre?:He was born as one.
~Glacial Malphite: The Shard of the Monolith~
"I hear rumors that the Shard of the Monolith is an unstoppable force. They aren't rumors."-Nausus, on the topic of Malphite's arrival.
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