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~/\Mythology Survival/\~ (My Second Roleplay)
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-09-30, 7:13 PM | Message # 1 |
 A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| Most people dont believe in mythology....most people think its just a joke, a simple thought that somebody just made up, just so they can have a couple laughs!...Hehe, It does give me a laugh, if only they knew...They are real, Vampires, Werewolves, Dragons, all of it, and who am i to state such an opinion? I am one; one, that i shall not say...I only have one thing to say, If you become one...then lets just say life sucks for you. All of the problems there are...We're almost as ignorant as those humans...we have wars, sure, we have enemies, friends, truces, but most just try to survive...from ourselves.
~ Human Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
~Vampire Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
Wings?(optional):
How long have you been a vampire?:
~Werewolf Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Wolf Description:
How long have you been a Werewolf?:
~Other Character Sheet~ (please send a message about what your "other" is for approval)
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Reviews
~Equinox~
Story:3/5
I understand that it's a survival of the fittest story, but it needed more detail honestly. Maybe the goal is to gather and unite all brethren and enemies together, to take back the modern world from the humans? Something? It needs some kind of goal for the story, and overall.... more story!
Grammar:3/5
Honestly, were all those periods necessary? It needed some spacing and less periods, and if you plan on someone talking, for it to have quotations marks around it, but overall, you did pretty well. You capitalized most words, you gave a bit of a back story on the guy at least, which made it more interesting to read. But honestly, those periods everywhere costed you a whole point.
Character detail:3.2/5
I like the way you mysteriously developed the speaker in the story, but also your own character description is pretty excellent itself, along with the CS. 3.2 seems like a close vote.
Plot Development:2/5
Not too much of a plot, but it had SOME development, thus it deserves SOME points.
Overall rating:3.5/5
Honestly, this is my complete and honest input here. It's pretty good for your first one in a long time, but it needs a good bit of work. Don't worry, all great writers will always need to improve somehow.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Zyphon | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-12, 5:08 AM | Message # 226 |
 The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| ~~Dark~~
"Hey you!" I heard someone yell. I suppose he must've meant me. It was probsbly a human who had mistaken me for a human aswell. I should probably get him away from here before he discovered Brisk's cave. But when I turn to look at him, I realized that he was not ordinary human.
"A vampire slayer."
"That's right."
"So why are you coming after me? I'm not one of the evil vampires."
"You existing is sin enough!"
"...That's harsh." And without another word the fight began. He began shooting bullet after bullet towards me, but I easily dodged them. There weren't many guns that could match the speed of a vampire, however, I didn't want to get overconfident because the bullets were definatly silver. After a few seconds of dodging bullets I got bored and decided to end the fight quickly. I ran towards him, which obviously shocked him, but not for long. I was going to do the same thing I'd done to the criminal a few days ago, when I'd knocked his head clean off, but obviously this human had faster reactions, but I got close enough to attack him, he brought the silver sword towards me. I stopped and jumped back away form the blade at the last second. He took the opritunity the fire another shot at me, which of course missed. I Stepped forward at the same time punching him in the windpipe. That should've brought him down, but he didn't go down. He was winded for only a few seconds and as I was about to try another attack he kicked me in the stomach and I was sent flying. I managed to twist and midair so that I still landed on my feet, but now I was starting to have my doubts if this fight would be as easy as I thought.
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Supernerd | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-12, 9:07 AM | Message # 227 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (Zyphon, this is how you spell Opportunity XD)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Zyphon | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-12, 2:18 PM | Message # 228 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| (I'm not the best speeler and i'm prone to typos as well.)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Equinox | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-12, 5:22 PM | Message # 229 |
 Social warrior of the administration
Group: Administrators
Messages: 7183
Status: Offline
| (>Speeler
ICwatjudidthar)
~Glacial Malphite: The Shard of the Monolith~
"I hear rumors that the Shard of the Monolith is an unstoppable force. They aren't rumors."-Nausus, on the topic of Malphite's arrival.
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| Supernerd | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-12, 11:58 PM | Message # 230 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I watched the sun come down..now hiding behind the clouds.."Its time.." I grinned, slipping the holy water into my pocket....then i had an even better idea... i went down the hallways, and walked up to the storage place, fulll of random items that once owned to humans...I walked down the hallways...and then a nice orange and yellow water gun caught my eye...i grabbed the watergun, filled it with holy water, and walked out the door into the forest.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Zyphon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 6:21 PM | Message # 231 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| (>_< That was a typo as well...)
~~Dark~~
We'd been fighting for a while and so far no one had gained the advantage.
"Why don't you just give up!" I shouted to him. " You know you can't win, once it fully turns night I'll be even stronger, and that's only in a few seconds, I'm going to give you the chance to ru-"
"This battle while only end once you're blood has been spilled vampire! I'll never give up!"
"And netheir will I." And with that, the fight went on. I had to be careful to stay away form the silver blade, however he'd ran out of ammo a while ago. He swung the sword at me as I charged at him. I jumped back just before the sword hit me, then I dived at him. I was trying to bite his neck, but he kicked me off. Again, I managed to land on my feet. He got up and ran towards his blade, without that there was almost know way he could win. I ran for it as well.
I got to it just a second before he did and ran him through with it.
He had just one final word before he died. "Bastard."Added (2011-10-14, 6:21 PM)
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(Bump.)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 6:45 PM | Message # 232 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I continued running through the forest, i now had to figure out where that Werepyre was, and that kid Dark. I assumed they would be at a cave, or just getting out of a cave or something. So i headed towards the mountains.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 6:50 PM | Message # 233 |
 ※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| I looked out my cave, awaiting the presence of that one vampire I figured would come after me.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 7:02 PM | Message # 234 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| Then i saw her, the werepyre, i had my holy water gun behind my back. "hey brisk." I smiled falsely.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 7:03 PM | Message # 235 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (You know, your not gonna kill Brisk... Its a rule for the site; You arent allowed to kill other people chracters without thier permission. And I did not grant permission XD)
Brisk growled. "Isaac. I see you have your holy water. Nice try, kid" I sniffed the air.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 7:05 PM | Message # 236 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (i am very aware of the rules Demon)
"yeah, why dont you get a closer look!" I took out the gun and shot it at her.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 7:08 PM | Message # 237 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| I quickly dodged. Being a mix of a werewolf and vampire, I had incredible speed.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 7:09 PM | Message # 238 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I swore, This gun was too slow... I then switched the feature on the gun for wide shot, lacking distance, but definitely more spread out. i shot again.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 7:11 PM | Message # 239 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| This time, I leapt into the air. I had a rather large cave, so it was roomy enough to fly in. I swooped away, hidden in the shadows. I was still there though
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-10-14, 7:43 PM | Message # 240 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I swore"Brisk...come back here you asshole.." I walked deeper into the cave.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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