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~/\Mythology Survival/\~ (My Second Roleplay)
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-09-30, 7:13 PM | Message # 1 |
 A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| Most people dont believe in mythology....most people think its just a joke, a simple thought that somebody just made up, just so they can have a couple laughs!...Hehe, It does give me a laugh, if only they knew...They are real, Vampires, Werewolves, Dragons, all of it, and who am i to state such an opinion? I am one; one, that i shall not say...I only have one thing to say, If you become one...then lets just say life sucks for you. All of the problems there are...We're almost as ignorant as those humans...we have wars, sure, we have enemies, friends, truces, but most just try to survive...from ourselves.
~ Human Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
~Vampire Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
Wings?(optional):
How long have you been a vampire?:
~Werewolf Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Wolf Description:
How long have you been a Werewolf?:
~Other Character Sheet~ (please send a message about what your "other" is for approval)
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Reviews
~Equinox~
Story:3/5
I understand that it's a survival of the fittest story, but it needed more detail honestly. Maybe the goal is to gather and unite all brethren and enemies together, to take back the modern world from the humans? Something? It needs some kind of goal for the story, and overall.... more story!
Grammar:3/5
Honestly, were all those periods necessary? It needed some spacing and less periods, and if you plan on someone talking, for it to have quotations marks around it, but overall, you did pretty well. You capitalized most words, you gave a bit of a back story on the guy at least, which made it more interesting to read. But honestly, those periods everywhere costed you a whole point.
Character detail:3.2/5
I like the way you mysteriously developed the speaker in the story, but also your own character description is pretty excellent itself, along with the CS. 3.2 seems like a close vote.
Plot Development:2/5
Not too much of a plot, but it had SOME development, thus it deserves SOME points.
Overall rating:3.5/5
Honestly, this is my complete and honest input here. It's pretty good for your first one in a long time, but it needs a good bit of work. Don't worry, all great writers will always need to improve somehow.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Monday, 2011-10-10, 10:03 AM | Message # 211 |
 ※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| "Who are you?" I roared down at her.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Equinox | Date: Monday, 2011-10-10, 3:02 PM | Message # 212 |
 Social warrior of the administration
Group: Administrators
Messages: 7183
Status: Offline
| I punched down the door, and walked in. "WHERE ARE MY DUES, EVAN?"
"STAY AWAY!" He yelled from upstairs.
I fly up, and smash through the floor, and land on the second floor. "Don't ignore me Evan, I know you have what I want!"
Silence.
"Don't play this game with me Evan, I've got the senses to find you..."
~Glacial Malphite: The Shard of the Monolith~
"I hear rumors that the Shard of the Monolith is an unstoppable force. They aren't rumors."-Nausus, on the topic of Malphite's arrival.
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| Spark | Date: Monday, 2011-10-10, 3:26 PM | Message # 213 |
 Zyphon's Supporter
Group: Checked
Messages: 2416
Status: Offline
| Cane
"Caine, or Cane."
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
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| Supernerd | Date: Monday, 2011-10-10, 3:48 PM | Message # 214 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (I still dont understand your plot Equi....)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Monday, 2011-10-10, 4:05 PM | Message # 215 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (XD Same)
I grunted. "You may come up, if you wish. You seem to be no threat"
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Equinox | Date: Monday, 2011-10-10, 8:10 PM | Message # 216 |
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Social warrior of the administration
Group: Administrators
Messages: 7183
Status: Offline
| (He's retrieving his Dravo blade. If he gets it, he's honestly going to be a massive challenge.)
~Glacial Malphite: The Shard of the Monolith~
"I hear rumors that the Shard of the Monolith is an unstoppable force. They aren't rumors."-Nausus, on the topic of Malphite's arrival.
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| Spark | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-11, 6:52 AM | Message # 217 |
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Zyphon's Supporter
Group: Checked
Messages: 2416
Status: Offline
| Cane
I try to climb the mountain, and I suceed.
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
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| Equinox | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-11, 8:30 AM | Message # 218 |
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Social warrior of the administration
Group: Administrators
Messages: 7183
Status: Offline
| I heard a squeak from the closet, and hurled a chair at the closet. The chair erupted across the door, the door now having a large hole in the top. I rip open the doors, and look around.
Nothing.
Under the bed?
I lift up the bed.
Nothing.
Something heading down the stairs in plain sight!
I hurled the bed, and the bed bursted through the wall into the streets outside. It landed on a parked car, and I went back down the hole in the floor, cutting Evan off.
"I told you not to play games with me Evan, now WHERE IS MY BLADE?"
I pick him up by the throat.
"Gack-it's, Junk--The junk s- Ack-The Junk store!"
I drop him. He falls down, and I put my foot on top of his right leg.
"Where is this Junk store?"
"Go down the north street to the area behind this building, and Head north down six exits, there's the junk store Ran by Ryan Maskov. He's a Russian Ex-soldier, so don't plan on it being so easy. But I'm sure someone like you can take on a measly ex-soldier, and let a man like me live, right?"
"I'll let you live, as long as you keep supplying good information when I need it."
"So you'll be back?"
"Only when I can't figure something out myself. You happen to have easy access to things I don't."
"Good enough, now can you get your foot off my leg?"
"Alright."
And so, I left, to continue my search. This was going to be more difficult then I thought, but at least I could earn my place back in the alliance once I got my blade back.
~Glacial Malphite: The Shard of the Monolith~
"I hear rumors that the Shard of the Monolith is an unstoppable force. They aren't rumors."-Nausus, on the topic of Malphite's arrival.
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| Supernerd | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-11, 2:16 PM | Message # 219 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (Im just gonna say that spark is with Demon in the cave...cause im seriously getting annoyed.)
I watched the sun rise up, the glass bottle filled with Brisks doom in it. (In case some person doesnt understand, as in the Holy water is her doom)
I grinned. Laughing lightly to myself, I wanted to get my reward, I wanted to be in the higher ranks of the castle.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Zyphon | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-11, 3:36 PM | Message # 220 |
 The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| ~~Dark~~
"......." I started whistling just for the sake of doing something.
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Demon | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-11, 3:40 PM | Message # 221 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (XD)
I sighed, returning the the lone shadows of my cave, my blood red eyes piercing the blackness.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Zyphon | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-11, 3:50 PM | Message # 222 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| Gender: Male
Name: Marcus "Marc" Jenkive
Age: 31
Description: Short black hair, tan, green eyes, 5'6", a fairly big man(as in muscle, not meaning he's fat -_-), usually wears a priests'(I know there's a name for it, but scine I can't be bothered to search it up, I'm just going to say robe) robe over chainmail armor. This is sort of a uniform among the the Warriors of the Dark Cross.
Bio: One of the Dark Cross Warriors(Warriors of the Dark Cross) best 'Knights'. The Knighyts are the one's who engage the 'demon' in battle if they can't be killed by any other method. They are usually the one's who the the most powerful vampires. These are also the one's who kill any human enemy.
Gender: Male
Name: ??? "Kane" ???
Age: ???
Description: Short grey hair and beard, pale, blue eyes, very kind face, fragile looking wears priests' robes, small man(can't be bothered with exact height :/).
Bio: The Leader of the Warriors of the Dark Cross. He appears to be kind, but will not hesitate to kill anyone in his way, even humans.
Gender: Male
Name: Jack Lenion
Age: 25
Description: Tall(5'9"), skinny, blue eyes, blond hair with black specks, caucasian, wears priest' robes.
Bio: A 'prophet' for the Dark Cross Warriors. Prophets interpret messages from God. Until recently, bevolent vampires were not hunted until he got a message saying that just their existence on Earth was a sin. This happened about ten years ago. He is one of the youngest Prophets.
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Supernerd | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-11, 4:24 PM | Message # 223 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (Thats a lot of CS's..i hope you get on enough so the roleplay wont pause for a long time....Accepted)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Zyphon | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-11, 6:44 PM | Message # 224 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| (Don't worry, they'll mainly only be interacting with Dark.)
~~Jack~~
For the past few weeks, Marcus and I had been tracking down a vampire named Dark. He was certainly a strong vampire. In fact, his father never was killed, we were still tracking him down, but this vampire was the first priority. But then he'd left the city, only to run into a real Demon! Along with another vampire. right now he was alone, in the sunlight, with his Demon friend unable to help him. The perfect time to strike.
"Okay Marcus, it's time."
"Finally! We've been tracking this guy for weeks. I was wondering when you were going to let me have him."
"Just be careful, he's only half vampire, he's not effected by some of the vampire weaknesses."
"I could do this in my sleep!" And with that he drew out his silver sword in one hand, handgun in the other, and went to confront the monster.Added (2011-10-11, 9:44 PM)
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(I don't even plan on most of these characters lasting that long, most of them will be kileld off soon enough! :D)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Supernerd | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-11, 8:17 PM | Message # 225 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (k)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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