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~/\Mythology Survival/\~ (My Second Roleplay)
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-09-30, 7:13 PM | Message # 1 |
 A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| Most people dont believe in mythology....most people think its just a joke, a simple thought that somebody just made up, just so they can have a couple laughs!...Hehe, It does give me a laugh, if only they knew...They are real, Vampires, Werewolves, Dragons, all of it, and who am i to state such an opinion? I am one; one, that i shall not say...I only have one thing to say, If you become one...then lets just say life sucks for you. All of the problems there are...We're almost as ignorant as those humans...we have wars, sure, we have enemies, friends, truces, but most just try to survive...from ourselves.
~ Human Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
~Vampire Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
Wings?(optional):
How long have you been a vampire?:
~Werewolf Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Wolf Description:
How long have you been a Werewolf?:
~Other Character Sheet~ (please send a message about what your "other" is for approval)
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Reviews
~Equinox~
Story:3/5
I understand that it's a survival of the fittest story, but it needed more detail honestly. Maybe the goal is to gather and unite all brethren and enemies together, to take back the modern world from the humans? Something? It needs some kind of goal for the story, and overall.... more story!
Grammar:3/5
Honestly, were all those periods necessary? It needed some spacing and less periods, and if you plan on someone talking, for it to have quotations marks around it, but overall, you did pretty well. You capitalized most words, you gave a bit of a back story on the guy at least, which made it more interesting to read. But honestly, those periods everywhere costed you a whole point.
Character detail:3.2/5
I like the way you mysteriously developed the speaker in the story, but also your own character description is pretty excellent itself, along with the CS. 3.2 seems like a close vote.
Plot Development:2/5
Not too much of a plot, but it had SOME development, thus it deserves SOME points.
Overall rating:3.5/5
Honestly, this is my complete and honest input here. It's pretty good for your first one in a long time, but it needs a good bit of work. Don't worry, all great writers will always need to improve somehow.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Zyphon | Date: Monday, 2011-10-03, 5:04 AM | Message # 151 |
 The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| ~~Dark~~
"...My name is Dark."
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Demon | Date: Monday, 2011-10-03, 1:41 PM | Message # 152 |
 ※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| I nodded. "Dont worry, Im not threat to you.. 'Long as you arent an assassin"
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Zyphon | Date: Monday, 2011-10-03, 5:53 PM | Message # 153 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| ~~Dark~~
"I'm no threat to you etheir... But I'm guessing that other vampire mgiht mean trouble for both of us."
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Demon | Date: Monday, 2011-10-03, 6:07 PM | Message # 154 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| I shrugged. "Im more of a problem to him than he is to me"
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Supernerd | Date: Tuesday, 2011-10-04, 10:03 PM | Message # 155 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I ran back down into the forest, looking around and i sniffed the air..catching the scent, of that half vamp kid dark (ik dark's name cause of the info thingy) and that Bitch Brisk....Bitchy Brisk i may as well call her. I grinned, then frowned in thought...how was i suppossed to get past brisk "Son of a.." I scowled.
(I sorta wished more people joined in my Roleplay XD)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Zyphon | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 5:18 AM | Message # 156 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| (If you had more info on him you'd know what his real name was.)
(Plus, it's weird how you're calling him half-vamp kid, when your character is the youngest(I think))
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Equinox | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 8:33 AM | Message # 157 |
 Social warrior of the administration
Group: Administrators
Messages: 7183
Status: Offline
| (I was planning to work with the time through conversation, but it looks like it'll take a year before you guys get a hour of convo and traveling.)
(I'll start my actions later.)
~Glacial Malphite: The Shard of the Monolith~
"I hear rumors that the Shard of the Monolith is an unstoppable force. They aren't rumors."-Nausus, on the topic of Malphite's arrival.
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| Demon | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 1:49 PM | Message # 158 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| I placed my head on my paws, smelling Isaac's scent.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Zyphon | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 5:45 PM | Message # 159 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| (...My mind is blank right now. :/)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Demon | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 5:48 PM | Message # 160 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (XD)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Supernerd | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 6:39 PM | Message # 161 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (im calling him the half vamp kid because he is a Vampire/Human, and i think my character is older lol)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Supernerd | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 6:41 PM | Message # 162 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I sighed...i needed to get brisk distracted...something to get her away from dark... (The "info" Is what the vampires heard, and other things..XD)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 6:45 PM | Message # 163 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| "Anyways... I might just stick with you, Dark. You are Isaacs target, and Isaac is my target. It will make things easy"
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
um
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| Zyphon | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 7:26 PM | Message # 164 |
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The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| (...You think Isaac is older... Look at you're CS, then look at mine. -_-)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Supernerd | Date: Wednesday, 2011-10-05, 8:10 PM | Message # 165 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (....Shutup, XD well im just gonna make my character think that you look like a teen from a distance, and that my character didnt bother to look at your age on his info..)
I looked around...i had to get through brisk.. but how...i swore again, then i had an idea...i ran back to the castle, smirking the whole way, it was also good timing too, since the sky was slowly getting brighter.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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