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~/\Mythology Survival/\~ (My Second Roleplay)
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| Supernerd | Date: Friday, 2011-09-30, 7:13 PM | Message # 1 |
 A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| Most people dont believe in mythology....most people think its just a joke, a simple thought that somebody just made up, just so they can have a couple laughs!...Hehe, It does give me a laugh, if only they knew...They are real, Vampires, Werewolves, Dragons, all of it, and who am i to state such an opinion? I am one; one, that i shall not say...I only have one thing to say, If you become one...then lets just say life sucks for you. All of the problems there are...We're almost as ignorant as those humans...we have wars, sure, we have enemies, friends, truces, but most just try to survive...from ourselves.
~ Human Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
~Vampire Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Bio:
Wings?(optional):
How long have you been a vampire?:
~Werewolf Character Sheet~
Gender:
Name:
Age:
Description:
Wolf Description:
How long have you been a Werewolf?:
~Other Character Sheet~ (please send a message about what your "other" is for approval)
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Reviews
~Equinox~
Story:3/5
I understand that it's a survival of the fittest story, but it needed more detail honestly. Maybe the goal is to gather and unite all brethren and enemies together, to take back the modern world from the humans? Something? It needs some kind of goal for the story, and overall.... more story!
Grammar:3/5
Honestly, were all those periods necessary? It needed some spacing and less periods, and if you plan on someone talking, for it to have quotations marks around it, but overall, you did pretty well. You capitalized most words, you gave a bit of a back story on the guy at least, which made it more interesting to read. But honestly, those periods everywhere costed you a whole point.
Character detail:3.2/5
I like the way you mysteriously developed the speaker in the story, but also your own character description is pretty excellent itself, along with the CS. 3.2 seems like a close vote.
Plot Development:2/5
Not too much of a plot, but it had SOME development, thus it deserves SOME points.
Overall rating:3.5/5
Honestly, this is my complete and honest input here. It's pretty good for your first one in a long time, but it needs a good bit of work. Don't worry, all great writers will always need to improve somehow.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Supernerd | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 7:35 PM | Message # 121 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (right...so edit yours. :3)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Zyphon | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 7:37 PM | Message # 122 |
 The Flying Penguin
Group: Administrators
Messages: 100536
Status: Offline
| ~~Dark~~
I saw someone heading towards me, a vampire, and then... something behind him. I couldn't see what it was. Then it got a bit closer. It looked like a wolf with wings. Were these the two that had been fighting earlier? Well, I wasn't going to stick around to find out. I doubted the vampire would have any reason to fight me, but the wolf-vampire might. I tried to get away form it before it noticed me, the vampire had probably already noticed me but he was probably no threat to me.Added (2011-10-02, 10:37 PM)
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(......................................What? .___. I think there may be a few late posts here.)
Flying Penguins
The world would be a better place if they existed.
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| Demon | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 7:38 PM | Message # 123 |
 ※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (Super, Brisk can see in the dark u know...)
I jumped, stretching my wings, and gliding at a deadly speed towards the vampire. Isaac, I believe. I stetched out my claws, ready to strike his back at any moment.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Demon | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 7:40 PM | Message # 124 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (*facepalm*
Nevermind. Its pointless explaining this to u people)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Supernerd | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 7:42 PM | Message # 125 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I looked behind me, seeing brisk right behind me, slamming me to the ground. "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU BASTARD!" I through a wild punch at her. (brb..eating some chili :3)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 7:50 PM | Message # 126 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (XD)
Unfortuneatly, it hit me in the muzzle. I coughed abit, my head turned to the side from the punch. I slowly turned back to face him, snarling furiously. My eyes were glowing.
Bad sign.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Supernerd | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 7:57 PM | Message # 127 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I scrambled up to my feet, glancing at the half-vamp guy a distance away, obviously worried about getting killed. I slowly backed up, all way quiet except my ragged breathing, and the tap-tap-tap of me backing up.."Leave me alone...Please!"
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 7:59 PM | Message # 128 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| "Oh, so now your afraid? I wonder why your Lord would hire such a weakling to be an assassin for atleast 20 other beasts? Maybe he wanted to give you death" I cocked my head to the side in a mocking way.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Supernerd | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 8:05 PM | Message # 129 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I remained quiet...then spoke up."Once again though, if they actually knew the correct data..then they probably wouldnt have put you on the list.." I smirked, the best smirk i could muster up."Remember? im supposed to go after people like him!" I said pointing at the boy out of anger.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 8:06 PM | Message # 130 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| "Well its too bad they wont get the real information on me. Its like theyre giving me free food." I grinned.
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Supernerd | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 8:09 PM | Message # 131 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| I glared, i was starting to feel beads of sweat on my forehead. "you...." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. Instead i just scowled at her.
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 8:12 PM | Message # 132 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| I smirked, and transformed human. I sat down carelessly. "Kid, I want to make this fun. I'm giving you a chance to run"
(No rhyme or pun intended)
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Supernerd | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 8:15 PM | Message # 133 |
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A Hater/Friend of Equinox
Group: Special
Messages: 3145
Status: Offline
| (Nice little pun, but this has just begun, :3 Anyways, you cant turn human!!!)
Some say its nice to have good signatures....
Well.
.....
There you have it.
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| Demon | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 8:16 PM | Message # 134 |
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※You shouldnt anger me. ಠ_ಠ※
Group: Administrators
Messages: 9627
Status: Offline
| (XD
Right >_<')
(Lets say that didnt happen. Im to lazy to edit.)
I lay down under the tree, watching him intently. "10... 9.... 8... 7...."
ಠ_ಠ (づ ￣ ³￣)づ
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| Equinox | Date: Sunday, 2011-10-02, 8:18 PM | Message # 135 |
 Social warrior of the administration
Group: Administrators
Messages: 7183
Status: Offline
| "And....FIRE!" Roars the leader of the gunslingers, as they begin firing at me. I use my iron strength wings to protect myself from the bullets.
"HOLD HOLD!" He yells, making a fist to signal to stop firing.
"Is it dead?" One said.
"...."
"...."
"...."
"I hope so. Validez, go and check it out."
"Why me!?"
"Because I told you to."
The young soldier walked towards me. As soon as he was 5 feet away, I hurled my wings out, blades of wind hurling towards them.
SLICK
SHING
SPLAT
SKURCH
The blades of wind sliced through all of the soldiers, but since the leader was on upper ground, he simply stood there, a pistol aimed at me.
"Go ahead and fire human," I began walking towards him.
"I promise I'll Make your death long and painful if you do."
He simply sat there, the gun aimed at my head. He was smart, he knew not to fire.
"Tell me, where did you put it?"
"It what?"
"MY BLADE DAMN IT, WHERE DID YOU PUT MY DRAVO BLADE!?"
"We-We-"
"WHAT!?"
"I SOLD IT TO A JUNK DEALER!"
"..."
"......"
"JUNK-"
He fired at my head, but as soon as that bullet moved, his head was lopped off, landing perfectly on the ground. His eyes were still open, his mouth still open, his mouth slowly closing from the muscles twitching and relaxing.
"Mother fucker..."
~Glacial Malphite: The Shard of the Monolith~
"I hear rumors that the Shard of the Monolith is an unstoppable force. They aren't rumors."-Nausus, on the topic of Malphite's arrival.
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